One of the things I did say I was going to do, when I picked up blogging again, was highlight some of the ‘other stuff’ I get up to.
An area I’m considering is a Kickstarter Project for Pictures – simply because I don’t have the resources to devote to it yet, but the book really needs written.  In the meantime, I wanted to invite you to something a bit different.

I firmly believe that we’re the sum of everything people don’t see – because if we’re just what people can *see*, I’d be dull, shallow and quite shy.  I don’t look smart – I have poor self-image control and I’m a disorganised mess most of the time.  In fact, I’ll readily admit to spending more time in PJ’s (depressed or otherwise) than I do in any other item of clothing that I own.
My day consists of getting up – writing – editing – knitting if I’m lucky – going to bed.  In between I clean and cook and care for my family, alongside my partner.

But, I never talk (rarely talk) about the writing part on here.
So, here’s some stuff you might be interested in.
I’m a fiction writer.  I teach writing fiction too.  If you’re a fiction writer, you may want to check out The Indie Author Group, (it also has a Facebook group) – and the two Facebook groups, The Indie Exchange and The Indie Marketplace – there’s lots of good resources out there.  Need an editor?  I’m probably your woman – and I don’t charge much either.

If you’re not a writer and you’ve got an e-reader though, things can be difficult.  It’s hard to sort out the wheat from the chaff, and if all you want to do is relax (especially if fiction is your escape, and money is tight) it can be difficult to find good books to read.
So I run a couple of projects to help with that too.
I’ve stopped reviewing publicly – until recently.  But I thought I’d offer some suggestions up.  One is a mailing list, one is a group on Facebook.  Again, you’re welcome to join either or both.  The mailing list will (eventually) get a blog, but for now, it’s just a mailing list where I highlight the books I believe are worthwhile to other readers.

Indie reader Connect is designed around giving indie readers a place to connect with the writers they care about, and discover new ones.  We’re just getting set up right now, but if this sounds interesting to you, jump on board, and let us know what YOU want to see.

And the Facebook group is simply called Indie Readers.  We’re a mostly no author promo area – I’d love readers to come talk about what they want to see and what they enjoy.

And that’s it for this week.  Is there anywhere you’d recommend for getting the buzz on what’s readworthy?

Last week, I talked about rebranding the site.  And then I promptly got lost in sorting out everything I’ve been trying to get on top of lately.  It’s quite a challenge to be fair – when you do everything I do, it’s difficult to keep up.  BUT…

First part of the rebrand was acknowledging and accepting that it’s ok to want to change things.  I’m no good with change – it unsettles me and then I become mired in the nothing that is procrastination, and that’s even worse than continuing with something that makes me unhappy or is difficult.  So.  I wanted to change the site.  The next question became ‘to what?’.

I’d already answered that too in a way though.  More personal, less formal.  Check.  In line with the book (because that’s what draws the most questions).  Check.
Am I doing anyone a disservice choosing to move over to this plan though?

That was the bit that made me stop and think – till I realised that for the last four months, I’ve checked in here, replied to a handful of comments that contained personal information so I could not publish, deleted spam and had nothing else to say.  I’m emotionally drained answering the questions from people facing challenges with their mental health, and I do it for an hour a week.  If i don’t answer, I get to write a blog post, but it rarely feels like it’s helping people.

And then…well, then I realised that actually – my job isn’t always to help.  It’s not always to give people information because they asked – it’s to document something that they might not think of asking – or might not need NOW but I can talk about.
So that’s what the blog is.

And the book?  The book is called ‘Pictures in the Dark’.   Which is why the tagline changed this week

For a while now, and part of the reason that posts are so rare here, it’s just been me writing the content for the site.  And like many others that live the life that I do (freelancer, mom and mental health survivor), the best of intentions get swept under the rug.
The blog used to be all about the stuff that bipolars used to need to know.  It was, in part, about taking control of our lives – and in 2003, when I started, there was no other mental health blog like it.  We didn’t talk about suffering – instead we talked the talk and walked the walk.  We’ve had posts from all manner of people over the years, but I think that it’s about time that we changed the blog to actually focus on what I know about.  My experiences with mental health.

So, in the next few weeks and months, I’ll be rebranding the site entirely.  In part to support the books coming out (yes, there’s books), but mostly so I feel like I can actually say something on the site again that isn’t harping on about advocating for yourself and gives me a more personal connection to what advice I want to give.

So, if there’s anything anyone wants to know, I’d love to hear from you.

As it’s the end of an era tomorrow – I’m going to hand in a dissertation that’s been where I’ve been for the last four years.

As this is the case, I’d love to know what you guys would like to see?  Bi-polarbears is one of the few sites that I’ve consistently ran for the last eight years, on and off.  But we’ve changed direction so often that I thought I’d ask the community.

What are you interested in seeing?  More or less on what you’d like to see?

Thoughts on articles and thoughtful op-eds you’d like to see?  Conversations about (x)?  Samples of the book?

Let me know

Positives are always great to hear aren’t they?
One of the things that I’ve always said about Bi-Polarbears is that we’re funded by my other projects.  One of which is that I work  as an SEO Copywriter.  I love my job, and I’m delighted that I get to do what I’m doing – but sometimes it takes me away from what I’m doing with you guys.

The other side to my writing coin is that I publish books.
I thought I’d share some news about my books – if you’re interested in supporting Bi-Polearbears, then picking these books up will really help. (If you’d like to keep up with everything I’m doing, then you can head on over to my personal facebook page at DKaiWilsonViola)

November

Glass Block – D Kai Wilson-Viola’s first thriller – you can see more at DarknessPD .  As I’ve finally graduated, this is so much easier to take care of.

January

The self publishing author’s guide to editing  – KDP (Amazon)/ Smashwords

February

Pictures in the Dark 2nd Edition.

And we’re looking at releasing books on a more regular schedule into the New Year!

We now have our OWN Facebook Page.  Like us at Bi-polarbears!

One of the few things that tends to inspire a lot of smiles in our house is success stories – especially if those success stories are writers or other artists that live with bipolar.  As many of you know, I’m at Uni right now – and I graduate (finally) with what I hope to be a 2:1.  Also of note is the fact that Glass Block, my first novel, is finally coming out in the next few weeks.

One of the things that I’ve learned is that if you don’t fight for your dreams, you won’t get them.  Often I’ve been told, especially by people that I thought would support me, that  I should just surrender to the inevitable – allow them to hospitalise me, and stop writing.  I’ve refused on several notable occassions, though I try not to dwell too much.

I’d love to encourage anyone that’s thinking of chasing anything to do so – our dreams are what powers our happiness after all.  There are scams out there, but if you’re careful and listen to your freinds and family, they’ll probably help you to protect yourself.

And without further ado, I thought I’d show off Glass Block and let you know where you can ‘fan’ me on Facebook, if it’s your cup of tea.

Glass Block

When Big Brother fell out of popularity in the early part of the 21st century  it was replaced with ever more ‘realistic’ reality TV shows, till the need for this was replaced with a need for fantasy.  In an attempt to resurrect the old format some die hard fans filmed themselves locked in with a recently released murderer.  The person to get out got the money from the stream sales at the end.  Needless to say they were slaughtered.

Word of this spread on the internet and a ‘sanctioned’ version by the UCPS (United coalition of Prison Services) was established.  Brought in from Darkness, one of the cities providing most of the prisoners, most of which he’d been responsible for collaring, Elliot Peters is forced into a nightmare world where the walls are made of glass and people vote as to whether you survive.

You can see more details and sign up for the mailing list at Glass Block@DarknessPD, or ‘fan’ me on D Kai Wilson-Viola’s Facebook page.

I know who you are – you’ve just been diagnosed, and you’re thinking that your life is about to end, either metaphorically, or (please don’t do it), literally.

I know who you are, because I’ve been there.  Been there several times.
So, the first thing I want you to do is go grab a soothing cup of *whatever* you love.  You can even have a tiny shot of liqueur in it if it helps, but only a tiny bit.  Don’t drive after, you’ve had bad news anyway, so you shouldn’t be driving.  You’re in shock, and we’re going to fix that.
I’ll wait right here.

You good?  Huggin’ the mug?  I know I was.  For me it was hot, sweet, as strong as I could get it, tea.
Firstly.  Your diagnosis isn’t a death sentence.  It’s not even a commuted death sentence.  Take my word for it when I say that there are some incredibly successful bipolars out there in the world.  Dare I say ‘HI!!!’ now and wave enthusiastically.
Your meds are possibly going to feel like a death sentence for a while – but there is no medical treatment out there that exists that we take that won’t make you feel a bit lousy, at least some of the time.  Unfortunately, the majority of treatments for mental health contain something that makes us dopey.  It might be a receptor inhibitor, it might be a flat-out sedative – whatever it is, go with it for a while.  Be that zombie.  Don’t embrace it because you’ll need to start proactively fighting it soon enough, but it’s perfectly ok to regroup.
Please, remember to drink your comforting drink.  Shock’s a nasty thing.
See, still not dead.
I wanted to tell you something though.  It’s a secret so lean in close.

There is an up side to bipolar disorder – and it’s not the manic phase.  it’s not the fact that we’re treatable and we’re slowly being accepted into society. It’s the fact that….you ready for this….?
This is who YOU are.  Bipolar disorder may not seem like it to many, but it’s possibly part of your personality, and it’s definitively part of the way you see the world – good and bad.  There’s a reason for feeling the way you do, and it’s not that you’re a dick, a douche, or don’t belong. 
More tea ALWAYS makes it better by the way.
Look at it this way – you’ve discovered that you are this *person* living a kind of  lie, trying to remain as ‘normal’ as you can, in a world that doesn’t slow down one iota for people who don’t adjust well.  You could have felt like your world is out of control.  Your world could BE out of control, but it’s not all your fault.  I’m not saying some of it isn’t, but you know, sometimes common sense isn’t what we have when we’re going off the rails.

So – no pity parties – not for long anyway – they have a habit of turning into a national day/week/month of mourning if you’re not careful – and don’t mark today as a negative.  Be kind to yourself, grab another soothing drink – have that cry if you need it, and then – start learning about the ‘new’ you and how to be kind to yourself.
You’ll thank me – and yourself – for it later.

Editor’s note – this post got quite a lot of attention recently, so I brought it forward to today….

A recent study conducted under clinical criteria highlighted something terrifying for those of us who live with, love someone with, or care for people in our community with bipolar disorder.

(extract)
Relapse and impairment in bipolar disorder

MJ Gitlin, J Swendsen, TL Heller and C Hammen
Department of Psychiatry, University of California, Los Angeles 90024- 6968, USA.

OBJECTIVE: The purpose of this study was to evaluate the outcome of bipolar disorder in the context of maintenance pharmacotherapy.
METHOD: Eighty-two bipolar outpatients were followed prospectively for a mean of 4.3 years (minimum of 2 years); symptom rating and psychosocial outcome scales were used, and pharmacotherapy was rated on a 5-point scale.
RESULTS: Despite continual maintenance treatment, survival analysis indicated a 5-year risk of relapse into mania or depression of 73%. Of those who relapsed, two-thirds had multiple relapses. Relapse could not be attributed to inadequate medication. Even for those who did not relapse, considerable affective morbidity was observed. A measure of cumulative affective morbidity appeared to be a more sensitive correlate of psychosocial functioning than was the number of relapses. Poor psychosocial outcome paralleled poor syndromal course. Poor psychosocial functioning, especially occupational disruption, predicted a shorter time to relapse. Depressions were most strongly related to social and family dysfunction.
CONCLUSIONS: Even aggressive pharmacological maintenance treatment does not prevent relatively poor outcome in a significant number of bipolar patients.

(taken from – http://ajp.psychiatryonline.org/cgi/content/abstract/152/11/1635)

These conclusions are not new – your own Doctor or GP will tell you these things, citing it as the primary reason that you should be placed and stay on medication. Its important however, to note that ‘even aggressive pharmacological mantinence’ doesn’t change this outcome – meds don’t always help. The highest rates of ‘success’ with bipolar disorder come from the patients that understand their mood swings, their reasoning, their reactions – the underlying chemistry that changes their moods, and their investigation into tailoring their own understanding and treatment of their disorder.

Bipolar disorder is debilitating for some people – it can destroy lives, families and support structures that otherwise would survive anything – and its important to ensure that if you, or a loved one, has a mental health issue of any kind, including bipolar disorder, that you are fully informed and can face the consequences, gifts and obstacles of that diagnosis with dignity, pride and preparation.

D Kai Wilson

D Kai Wilson is a writer, artist, and bipolar one businesswoman with an avid interest in bipolar disorder.
Her first book, ‘Pictures in the Dark – a bipolar’s guide to good mental health’ is available today from http://nonfiction.booksbykai.com

I thought I’d do a quick summary ‘update’ or sorts and let everyone know where we are and what we’re up to right now.

Books

‘Pictures’ and the ‘Unnamed’ project are doing really quite well – but for reasons I’ll explain in a sec, I’ve been busy with other stuff so they kinda took a back burner.

Communities

I’m now a co-mod over on Facebook for Bipolar Awareness – Stop the Stigma – I’d love it if you could stop by – it’s a constant stream of interesting articles about bipolar disorder and mental health too.

Life stuff

I’m back at Uni to complete my 3rd year, which is, to be honest, seriously exciting.  I didn’t feel it last year, because I was so snowed with buying a house and moving in, and the other stuff that went on, but this year I really am excited.
I’m also delighted that we’re in said house now – it took a while, but it’s sure been worth it.

Finally, I was put on meds about six months ago.  I think I’ve finally got perspective to talk about it, so I’m planning on doing some ‘talking’ about meds versus no meds in the next few weeks/months.

And with that – what’s new with you?

I’ve been on a break from everything – unsurprisingly, in my family, there’s more than one special needs member, and we’ve been spending a lot of time dealing with my daughter.  And then, by the time I discovered I had the time to get on with the stuff that I should, including this blog, I felt demotivated, tired, and a little bewildered.

A year ago yesterday, I banged my head hard enough to cause lasting damage (that they can’t see on an MRI, but has caused problems from memory and sleep disturbances, to decreased creativity, worse depression and beyond).  It’s taken nearly a year to accept that this ‘change’ has caused issues that I can’t simply laugh off, and yesterday was an odd, pensive day.

Things have been changing for me for the last year – I’ve been adjusting to finding it harder to work, or focus on much for periods of time longer than a couple of hours, I’m in my third year at Uni, starting in two weeks time, and I’ve got a lot of thinking to do about how to repair the damage that an errant hacker did around here.  But we’re back, hopefully this time for good.

And to kick off, we’re looking for new writers, to inject fresh voices, either as guest posts, or as regular writers, to the site.  If you’re interested, drop me a line.