I guess this post is to acknowledge that I overstretched again. It’s hard. Boundaries that never used to exist for me are now static and don’t bend at all, and often, I’m doing something and suddenly discover I’m out of spoons. Or I vastly overestimated the effort I needed to put in to do something.
Or that I just can’t do it any more, it makes me feel sick to my stomach.
Imposter syndrome at the start…
What was once something I used to refer to as a cross between imposter syndrome and writer’s block as evolved in some ways into a similar feeling I get when trying to leave the house. I’m perfectly capable of doing the things I plan, but there’s a lack of… willpower to stay on track instead of just stare off into space. It doesn’t hurt – my heart, the lump in my throat, my head, if I just check out, you know? But, I’m letting so many people down now and I just can’t keep doing it, so, I’m slowly pulling myself back together, or trying to. It’s not an easy path to slog up and down, if I’m honest.
Reorganising starts…where it starts
One thing I’ve discovered is mindset is everything with me. If I’m feeling positive, I manage so much better. But, getting myself motivated is one of those difficult things that I’ve found tiring, exhausting, annoying, hard.
I don’t think this is something unique to people with mental health challenges though. I think we’re all kinda feeling this way, and, coupled with imposter syndrome is probably one of those things that is difficult and tiring at the best of times, but right now? It feels insurmountable.
But, I’ll get there, slowly but surely.
We’ll be doing a tonne of stuff to get me organised – starting with some cleaning in our room. From there, I’ll be arranging my dining room and creating a new office space. Woo?
I need to build up enthusiasm. 😉